Boys need to become men

I was at breakfast on Sunday when a crime occurred. Ok, not a crime in terms of laws or ordinances, but a crime of courtesy. I was sitting near the exit, so people were parading passed me the entire time. A table near me got up to leave, but I didn’t take notice at first. I’m not sure if there were more than the two people I saw. I looked up to see a woman leave the table. At the same moment, the exit door in front of me closed. I looked out the window to see a man look back at the door. Then the woman, an air cast on one foot, hobbled to the door and exited. She joined the man on the street and they presumably walked home or to a car. The idea one human wouldn’t hold a door for another is the worse crime here. But the idea a man wouldn’t hold a door for a woman, regardless of the relationship between them is, well, deplorable. I have lost count of the number of times I’ve been in restaurants, seen a couple approach a table or the bar, and the man – referred to as the ‘boy’ from now on – sits down first. Some like to add a particularly nasty touch and sit as she is in the process of taking off her coat. The urge to thwap the boy on the forehead has been nearly irresistible at times. I have even considered going up to her and telling her he’s not worth it. So far, I’ve been able to just bite my tongue. But Sunday was too much. There seems to be an almost complete lack of courtesy (and chivalry or valor) in boys thirty and younger. Not just how they treat women but common acts of courtesy as well. Now, I don’t want to sound like an old fogey talking about ‘in my day,’ because this stuff has been around a long time. And I’m sure I, when I was a boy, had my fair share of missed opportunities to show the quality of my character. I have given myself a day or two to think about this and I think there are two sides to this. First, boys need to learn (and their parents need to teach them) how to treat your fellow humans with respect. Parents need to instill in their boys the need, the desire, to be a gentleman. It takes a miniscule amount of effort; usually less than it takes to pointedly be an ass. You would be amazed the power of ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’ Second, girls need to learn (and their parents need to teach them) what to expect from a boy. Ask yourself (if you are female; males, chill for a sec): if he’s not willing to make sure you’ve sat down without incident, that you’ve made it through the door, what else will he eventually take for granted? A corollary to this is how to dress (i.e. if she’s in a dress = no t-shirt) but we’ll cover that at another time.